Oh dear. It would appear I have become infectious. My personal energy after 6 weeks in the same hospital bed with no independent mobility appears to have imploded into a ball of negative waves with the potential to harmfully infect those around me. I don’t quite have the time or the wherewithal to develop a protective vaccination and so it’s time for me to whip my self-awareness belt out into the fight dojo.
I have aways prided myself on affecting people in a positive way with my energy- even facing into a major challenge. And so, this more insidious impact I seem to be having in my latest health battle has led me to my laptop. The lustre of positive psychology has worn off me over the years. The theory that if you merely think positive thoughts then so it shall be.
I am more a feel those emotions and feel em’ good kinda gal these days but once having done so, releasing them. Privately, through meditation. The release into the energy space around you and others supporting you, was not proving as effective. The nurse trying to work out exactly how I need my five pillows arranged so as to support my rather numb body parts overnight probably doesn’t need to be told in an agitated tone that cushion arrangement clearly ain’t their jam.
The husband trying to romantically massage my heavy feet laden with the sharpest pins and needles probably would have preferred a grateful hug rather than a grossly rude fu*& you for hurting my dear impacted limbs. And my mother, the one who has not left my side since day one, might prefer to catch the “Thank you very much” virus from me rather than an achey dose of anger fuelled criticism for all she was not getting right.
We forget so easily when we are in the true victim position just how hard it also is for those caring for you. At the same time, I do feel for my little ball of energy having to continuously show up as a hero, miraculously, in the face of great threat and pain, bringing inspirational affect into the blood streams of the masses. Hopefully I’ve woken to this wisdom in time to avoid the need for a new Astra Susak vaccine. I’m defining this life lesson before it defines me. More affectin’ and less infectin’.
Hard times, no answers as to why and yet surrounded by love❤️💃🏻🥂❤️