I gave myself a big fat spiritual slap in my Vedic Meditation teaching class today. It was a painful slap of self-shame from the sudden awareness of my arrogance. But also, a satisfying 'Wake Up Jeff' kind of a slap catapulting me into a space of greater wisdom and self-improvement. A week or so ago, I found myself in a deep debate with my husband about a very emotive and contentious political matter that was being reported on in the daily news. I don’t need to tell you what our respective ‘sides’ were but I do need to tell you that while my wise tranquil husband was willing to simply let our opinions differ, I was most certainly not. Oh no, no, no. Not I. Not I, the great grand standing legal General Counsel and champion high school debater.
No. I pushed my point of view down my husband’s throat with as much intensity as a marathon runner pushes their limits to cross the finish line. So intensely focused on winning the debate, I couldn’t bear the thought that my arguments were not persuasive enough to completely change his point of view. And I was smugly certain that regardless of that failure, I was still right. Fast forward to my meditation teaching class today, and it became awkwardly apparent that I still had not let go. Unaware I was doing this until he gave his answer, I posed the question under debate between my husband and I to my wise knowledgeable spiritual teacher. From behind the shadow of his response, out came the realisation that I had actually asked in order to get the answer I thought was right so that I could take it back to my husband as collateral unequivocal evidence that even the wise people agree with me. Oh, help me lord.
My teachers’ answer was illuminatingly embarrassing but also enormously evolutionary for me. He explained that with time and spiritual meditative practice, he had let go of his need to enter into and/or win the debate. This benefit of meditation among the innumerable many I had accumulated over 5 years of dedicated practice had not yet revealed itself to me, until now. My teacher shared with me the quote of Keanu Reeves which inspired this piece and the penny dropped. First of all, my need to be right had categorically outplayed my more coveted need to be well- both as an individual and in my relationship with my husband. And I had forgotten the wisdom that I know to be true which is that actively listening first is the key to true open mindedness and unity.
Peace of mind is seriously diminished by the need for your opinion to prevail. But peace of mind is seriously enhanced when one favours listening over speaking, understanding the other point of view before bandying about your own and even having the awareness of knowing that you opinion may just not even be needed at all today. But more than anything, the spiritual slap I received in this class from my own self-serving question, provided me with the understanding that we don’t all need to agree on everything. And that merely acknowledging with reverence how that person feels about a matter should be all you need before you push the full stop button on the conversation rather than your own opinion further down their throat. Sorry husband, you were right to end the debate, but let’s hold off telling our 7 year old daughter Stella that it’s OK for 1 + 1 to equal 5 for now, shall we?
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This is so spot on! And something I’m currently working on in therapy 😅 I always love your writing and insights, and they resonate so much with me! You are truly inspiring 💛
One of your best Susak!